News Flash: Adam Steals Christina from Andre*

You heard correctly! Adam steals a fraulein for his very own. Here's how it works:



1. Find a couple in a pre-existing relationship. The more stable, the more impressive to destroy. This one was four years in the making.








2. Befriend the couple and join them in an innocuous activity like hiking in Wilson's Promontory, the southernmost point on mainland Australia.







3. Sabotage the relationship from the inside by talking smack about Christina to Andre, and vice versa. Push things to the breaking point and check for telltale signs of stress, such as strangulation.






4. Come to the rescue before Andre damages the goods you're after. Try not to fall off a mountaintop while the couple fights over who gets to keep you as their "friend."







5. Play nice as you hike down the mountain, ensuring your survival. Suggest that you all work things out at a relaxing place, like a beach filled with boulders and a strong current.






6. Push Andre off a boulder, into the strong current, when Christina isn't looking.













7. Move in for the kill. Hope desperately that the romantic scenery stalls any questions.













*This is all a joke.